Emotional Purging

2006-05-17T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hattori & Honoka... hahaha

is it going down the drain?
i find all this scrambling pretty amusing, if not for e fact that i'm embroiled in it in no small way.
demo tanoshimi ni ne!
chek ark.
:P

2006-05-17T13:53:00.000+08:00

eh hehehehheheheheeheheh.....................

2006-05-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

my comments link is gone. ha.
which means i can blabber non-stop to myself. :)
la lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala <--happy tree friends theme
kyou wa sukoshi ureshikatta desu. sukoshi. sukoshi.
douyoubi shigoto ga arimasu ga ureshii.
atama ga hen deshou.

2006-05-16T19:25:00.000+08:00

Hmmm... Wat is there to do? There is nothing to do... *spittle
spittle* Time to be a nerd... Time for renewal... Time for change...
Ha. *gurgle gurgle*

2006-05-16T15:25:00.000+08:00

i'm very sleppy.
yup, sleppy.
beginning to listen to more n more jay chou, thanks to that "fan1 ban3 jay chou" who ~~sings~~ sang every song in a jay chou tone
urgh.
*mumble mumble in hoodie*

2006-05-11T17:34:00.000+08:00

Spree Updates:

Target blue starry bag - Grace (ETA ? re. Target) From sunnietan
Target blue starry bag - Odd (ETA ? re. Target) From sunnietan
~~Mossimo metallic green tote - OOS~~
OPI Nail polish (Bubble Bath) - Odd (ETA ?) From lyian
OPI Nail polish (The Thrill of Brazil) - Odd (ETA ?) From lyian
Threadless tee (Bath) - Grace (ETA week ending 21 May) From bella_karma (Shipped 6 May)
Threadless tee (Water, Just Water) - Grace (ETA week ending 21 May) From bella_karma (Shipped 6 May)
Threadless tee (Playful Hands) - Grace (ETA week ending 21 May) From bella_karma (Shipped 6 May)
Threadless tee (Operation Sweet Tooth) - Odd (ETA week ending 21 May) From bella_karma (Shipped 6 May)
Threadless tee (Chinese Peaches) - Odd (ETA week ending 21 May) From bella_karma (Shipped 6 May)
Threadless tee (Afternoon Delight) - Grace (ETA week ending 28 May) From unpretty_lady (Shipped 11 May)
Birks - Grace (ETA 6 June) From Odd!!!

2006-05-11T17:13:00.000+08:00

one hour more! i am very happy today. haha! well not today but now lah. hahaha!!

2006-05-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

林俊杰熟能生巧

词:林秋离曲:林俊杰

醒着像睡着躺着像思考
晨昏颠倒
敢情太单调竟然是烦恼
如何是好
也许来阵风雨花谢满地
黯然神伤的困扰
可以刺激那颗
浑浑噩噩失去了烈火
激情的大脑吹风就感冒
淋雨就发烧有爱就好
我不再逃空虚日子
这一路都在熬
也许爱情就是熟能生巧
你绝对想不到我多渴望
让生活染上一些颜料
是红橙黄或蓝靛紫都好
一圈一圈的围绕
终于能自在的坦承说爱你
火一点就燃烧

2006-05-10T16:11:00.000+08:00

Funds Channelling Ideas:

~~1. Black corporate footwear with or without power-injecting heels but which must ooze power (Current ones giving way)~~ Done. Not much power oozing though.
~~2. White corporate footwear with power-injecting heels~~ Hell yeah. Pain-inducing back too.
3. Universal/Classic colour athletic footwear versatile enough to neutralise drudgery of Corporate wear where need be
4. Birkies

On that note, guys are a bore.

2006-05-09T16:27:00.000+08:00

Intuition, Jewel

Follow your heart
Your intuition
It will lead you in the right direction
Let go of your mind
Your Intuition
It's easy to find
Just follow your heart baby

2006-05-08T12:50:00.000+08:00

On Friday we brought the bunnies to Mt Pleasant Animal Hospital vet (The one in Sembawang) to see what's wrong with their legs and stuff.

Doc said boy bunny had a fungal/bacteria thingy on his skin while girl bunny had a growth on her front paw. I was to monitor the growth. They ran skin tests and stuff on them. It took about 2 hours... I was given the usual Dermo shampoo and vitamins and cream to apply for them. I had to bathe them for 2x a week and then return for consultation. Doc said their hopping movements were ok.

After going home, I bathed them with the shampoo. They were very fidgety of course, but obeyed in the end and the work was done. Tiring, but fulfilling to scrub out the dirt and dead skin...

I blewdry them best as I could, though they looked like they were struggling to get away from the blowdryer. Boy bunny started falling over a lot and not being able to get up. I thought he was tired from the bathing escapade so dismissed it. I then put them back in their cage and fed them hay. Though they had on the Elizabethan collar, they could still eat and drink.

I then went on to bathe myself and do my own stuff...

After a few hours, I went to check on them. Boy rabbit was lying on his side. His head was under the food tray. I feared the worse. I looked at his body. It was going up and down in a breathing state. I opened the door and touched him. He was dead. Girl bunny was on top of him, licking his wound and making noises... probably willing him to wake up.... It was so sad...

I took him out, wrapped him in a towel and put him in a box and laid the box in front of the altar. I felt a pang of sadness, for his life wasn't good... And i couldn't help but wonder if i'd killed him... He was the "genki one". He always hopped out of the cage whenever I opened the cage door. But he died first. We lamented the whole situation... the shock, the sadness.

Next day, Dad called me at work to say girl bunny doesn't look well. I called HRSS. They then went down to my house to collect her as well as boy bunny for cremation... As girl bunny requires constant medical attention, HRSS is keeping her for a week and will return to me to foster when she's better.........

2006-05-03T23:07:00.000+08:00

Head stomping rabbit!!!!

2006-05-03T16:43:00.000+08:00

it just occurred to me that JUST THREE DAYS AGO, under the deb's boony
post i said that "I would never keep a boony" :O :O :O

how the weirdest things come back to haunt you! true, i'd never keep a
boony - i now have TWO that just fell into my lap!!!

HRSS is trying to see if there are any foster parents available to
foster em, if not i'll have to foster till someone adopts em. need to
bathe them and maybe send them to vet, if someone's free.... or even
if not??? :( boony so hard to look after.... :(

2006-05-03T10:07:00.000+08:00

We were at Yishun Park, on the way back, when we spotted these thingys on the floor. Some guy in front of us used his foot to kinda poke one of them on the asphalt path, during which point in time I thought it might have been a cat and thought with outrage,"What did the cat do to him to deserve this?!"

However as we walked on, I spotted this whitish thingy on the grass patch..... A BUNNY!!!!! I was further outraged - which arsehole dumped the bunnies there to let them fend for themselves?!?!! I'd read in so many articles the fact that BUNNIES CANNOT BE LET OUT INTO THE WILD. THEY CANNOT LOOK AFTER THEMSELVES.

I hurriedly called Odd to ask if she'd taken the guinea pig cage. She hadn't, luckily! or else I don't know how I would've 'settled' the rabbits. So we each took one rabbit upstairs. We put them down on the lift floor cos they were fidgety and a bit dirty (having walked on the wet grass before) and smelly! And discovered that their feet were a bit injured... Some fur had dropped and in place was reddish skin... could be why they were dumped.

We reached, and I got on my way to dig for the cage among the rubbish in the store room.

After setting up the cage, we put the bunnies in for the night. I would call HRSS tomorrow to see if they could collect the bunnies.

Luckily mom and dad were understanding and did not scold me, hehe... I mean of course right? They taught me to love animals so here I am...

I absolutely ABHOR people who cannot take the responsibilities of having (a) pet(s) and DUMP them or GIVE them away. Then don't get them in the first place!!!! Especially dumping them - this is absolutely DESPICABLE. The poor animal cannot fend for itself outside, without human care. To think that it had spent so much time with you, and you just discard it like some object without feelings. I hope those people get their just desserts. What goes around comes around.

2006-05-02T13:20:00.000+08:00

i don't want to admit it but i have to admit it.

******

we are that volatile. we just pretend we're not.

2006-05-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

一了百了 - 信乐团

一辈子两个人在一起
你说要加个或许
不是你不喜欢甜言和蜜语
只是你比较实际
两个人一辈子不分离
你问我好在哪里
不是你不期待永恒的恋曲
你说最美的爱情叫做回应
为何连分手都不跟我争吵
撂下一句话就想逃跑
让我爱难平恨难消情难灭梦难了心难过
你却放手一了百了
离开我你说是为了我好
可知道这句话伤人不少
就算忘不了没有大不了
反正一切都不再重要
我的心既然你全都不了
何必再继续让彼此困扰
斩断纠缠的爱
从今就一了百了

2006-04-30T12:09:00.000+08:00

Deb's boony, with tons of shit. I would never keep a boony! Bleah.

2006-04-30T01:14:00.000+08:00

~~yesterday and today~~ for the past 3 days, i've had 3 4 and a half people tell me i've lost weight dramatically/i'm slim.

oddly, i've been bingeing today, because i feel very tired.

i hope the long weekend helps everything. although i don't know how it will.

like i said, it's something i have to figure out myself. and do something about it myself.

more exercise tomorrow. brain and body.

-updated 30 april 2006

2006-04-27T17:08:00.000+08:00

Since I was asked, I did 'extensive' research and conclude that my favourite flower is the Peony. Cheena, but oh so beautiful.
One heck of a big, bulbous, attention-grabbing flower - the very thing that's supposed to be subdued and nondescript.

2006-04-27T12:20:00.000+08:00

gotta get moving on my "F**k me, JJ!" placard.

HAHA!

*tickled mood*

2006-04-26T16:56:00.000+08:00

strangely, i have become love guru or love psychologist or love listener to 3 people so far this week.

as if my love life is gloriously successful.

oddly, people just love talking to me. i can name so many.

good listener for hire!

2006-04-15T14:53:00.000+08:00

Why is something so easy so complicated?

2006-04-13T11:37:00.000+08:00

Not everything is what it seems....

Look deeper below the surface....

Surprises await you...

2006-04-11T17:22:00.000+08:00

Obsessive
When you continue thinking or talking about something to the
exclusion of pretty well everything else in the world.

Compulsive
Behaviours or thought patterns that occur without you controlling them.

2006-04-10T15:33:00.000+08:00

over-reliance is never a good thing.

2006-04-07T14:59:00.000+08:00

incoherence is my coherence

2006-04-06T13:36:00.000+08:00

Shit.

shitshitshitshitshit!!!

2006-04-06T09:50:00.000+08:00

Eh... heh... heh.... eh... heh....

warblewarblewarble

2006-04-04T13:24:00.000+08:00

the stewpid birthday system sucks!!!

it's making us all go crazy!!!!

2006-04-04T09:34:00.000+08:00

>:/

2006-04-03T11:45:00.000+08:00

funny how i don't even remember what i was thinking about when typing my previous entries...

must have been the cough mixture messing with my already messed-up brain.

things.........things.............things.......................

=) ?

2006-03-31T17:42:00.000+08:00

contradictions...
thoughts...
decisions...

hackneyed as it is, our lives are a consequence of every little decision
made along the way.

2006-03-31T16:36:00.000+08:00

signs...........

2006-03-31T12:47:00.000+08:00

whenever i blink, i wanna go to sleep.

2006-03-28T16:19:00.000+08:00

AS MY GREAT LUCK WOULD HAVE IT...

that was the last time my PC was connected to the Internet. Goddamnnitttt!!!!

I've been Internetless at home for days now. I'm gonna be dead anytime soon. haha

No more PITNB for me. No more fourfour for me. No more dlisted for me. No more MSN Messenger for me.

Sad.

2006-03-26T14:58:00.000+08:00

Oh my god!!!
I was just lamenting to my colleagues the other day that if I don't get on
the Net for a week, i will DIE.
And I literally died for the past few days when my Net was totally living in
the 5th dimension or something

My modem lights were on, heck! My ADSL light in my system icon tray was
GREEN (meaning, go to go), but I just could not connect!!!
I tried every rule on the book and more (praying, threatening to switch to
Pacnet as contract is expiring soon anyway) but nothing worked!!!
My dialling up would be always greeted by Error 721: Remote computer not
responding (Look, I can bloody memorise the thing!) after eons of "Verifying
username and password".

The Singtel guy came for a line check, proclaimed line was working fine, as
they always do, and told me to call Singnet Technical helpdesk for help cos
Error 721 is either a line or modem problem.

I must have called Singnet 4 or 5 times the past week, spending more time on
the phone with them this past week then any of my friends. My goodness me!!!
Singtel guy told me people have been known to wait up to 1 hour to speak to
a human. My record was 30minutes. I didn't intend to break that record.

Of course, with every human at the helpdesk, they would guide me step by
step to uninstall and reinstall my modem, etc etc. At the end of the call
when everything had been done and no variations had been cleverly made by me
with regards to the installation instructions, I wouldn't be able to
connect, STILL.

My last call was last night. Human at helpdesk ended the call with "I think
there's a problem with your modem. You need to call Aztech and arrange to
bring your modem down to their place for a test and repair it. I'll give you
the Aztech number... XXXXXXXX....
ThankyouforcallingSingnetHelpdeskhaveanicedaybyebye!" Typical "Now shove
it!!!" closing line.

I was at a loss for words. I really was. I became really grumpy and
irritated (Yeah, more so than usual) cos I STILL did not know the cause of
my problem - the modem or the PC System.

I wanted to reformat my still-new PC but I don't have the expertise to do
it.

When it comes to things like that, I can be very stubborn. So here I was
again trying my utmost best to channel some "please work! please work!
please just bloody f**king work!!!!" energy into the modem by uninstalling
and reinstalling again and again and trying with my other modem which just
doesn't seem to work for some reason. I am now quite the expert Aztech
DSL500U modem-installer btw.

After hours of trying, lo and behold!!! My dialup dialogue box greets me
with "Registering with network..." (or some such message that I can't
remember since it's so elusive a message)... !!!!!!!!!!!!

Hallelujah.

Let's hope this good luck goes on forever.

Everybody now, PRAY!!!

2006-03-21T11:41:00.000+08:00

Hate brainless bimbos.

2006-03-19T16:58:00.000+08:00

(Cruz food)

This is the pic I tried to u/load last night, for the sake of the mosaic-ed face. hwahwahwa.

Reminds me of the food I had last night at the night chitchat/"meeting"/dogs session. =D

Me wuv dog!

2006-03-19T16:55:00.000+08:00

I should get off my lazy ass, but I'm too lazy to get off my lazy ass.

[insert slanty ^^ smiley here]

Ok, ok, I'm getting my lazy ass off.

2006-03-19T00:38:00.000+08:00

Cruz pics.

(Like, literally, cruise pic.)

Brahdee blogger won't let me upload more pics. Because I am having the flu and feeling suicidal, I give up!!!

2006-03-12T11:05:00.000+08:00

Woke up this morning to some birdie twittering. Went to get the window grilles key and opened it up to see these 3 fellows on my window ledge/under my window ledge. =D

2006-03-05T22:23:00.000+08:00

林俊杰《冻结》 ~ 《乐行者》

不小心回到那一天不小心一切又重演
你如此完美的一切竟会出现在我的世界
你说话不爱说第二遍但偏在情人节那一夜
给我你心爱的项链说了三次对我的爱恋
我那时糊涂不明白为何你会哭
我后知后觉以后领悟
冻结那时间冻结初遇那一天
冻结那爱恋冻结吻你那瞬间
我也会疲倦
你的项链在我身边带我穿梭回从前
冻结那空间冻结有你的世界
冻结那画面冻结不让它溶解
我若是疲倦
你的项链在我身边发光在我胸前
你的项链在我身边陪伴著我过每一天

2006-03-05T22:11:00.000+08:00

林俊杰《距离》 ~ 《第二天堂》

在距离三公里的位置
我在这里
想像心中的你的呼吸
同样的熄着灯的窗子
你在那里
听不到我呼吸着分离
我走向前你看不见
真的遥远
就连叹息影子听见
也是无言
你走向前我看不见
你的思念
你和我之间
刻着一条界线不曾有改变

保留着三公分的距离
我的眼里
填满着整个我爱的你
坐在同一张四方桌子边
你的眼里
读不到眷着我的讯息
当爱离开之前
能多苦能多深能多甜
距离是你走过我身边

2006-03-05T17:24:00.000+08:00

林俊杰《你要的不是我》 ~ 《曹操》

怎么能忘时间多长
你快乐吗想代替你回答
你知道吗走了好远我才能去面对
这份牵挂沉默伤悲

你要的不是我
心碎的失去轮廓
曾经给你的感觉
只是情绪的波动

能给的不是我
放任你沉溺自由
掩饰不了我的笨拙
就连说话都会颤抖
我被遗忘在你遗忘的角落

2006-03-05T03:30:00.000+08:00

Arf.

2006-02-18T00:57:00.000+08:00

I want a wedding photo like that. Photo courtesy of PITNB

2006-02-16T12:28:00.000+08:00

One day.

2006-02-10T23:34:00.000+08:00

我们都是泡沫轻轻一碰就破
眼泪是爱的火花
昨天就像飞机穿过我的窗口
我什么都没有
我推开了双手你予取予求
直到你想自由
痛苦的时候我不会闪躲
就像树叶甘心为春风吹落
只是简简单单的爱过
我还是我
简简单单的爱过
我还是我
简简单单的疯过
被梦带走
当故事结束之后
心也喜欢一个人寂寞

2005-12-30T16:15:00.000+08:00

Got MC today for stomach flu >=(((
So sat around reading my old diaries for non-violent/exertive entertainment.
I started writing a diary when I was 8 years old. Initially, I wrote an entry everyday, which gave rise to contentless entries. As I grew older, the entries became more spaced out. The last time I wrote one was in October 2003. I wrote a ten-page one today about my career, my cat, my travels, my sister, myself. I spent 1 hour 40 minutes on it. Very tiring to wield a pen and write physically, but strangely, it was very fulfilling.

经典画面: (Comments in blue)

27 June 1989. (Primary 3) Weather: Two stars. (Literally two stars in the sky, and not a rating of two stars out of five)
Today, I was boring. I had to go back to home from the place I was. So, I ran to the bus-stop, and took bus. (It's amazing how nowadays I get easily annoyed at people who say they are "boring" instead of "bored"!! hurhurhur)
Finished: 11.02pm

4 Feb 1990. (Primary 4) Weather: Blackie (I meant black-ish, i.e.dark!)
Today, we went swimming in the clementi pool. I learned to jump something funny. (HAHAHA!!!)

12 Jul 1990. (Primary 4) Weather: Black
Today is sis's birthday. After school, we went to dinner at the J.E. restaurant. We saw a bride and groom. Both were fat and ugly. The relatives/friends are so damn ah-tong! (i.e. TOOT) If I were them (the bride and groom), I'd chase them out. (HAHAHAH)

3 July 1995. (Sec 3)
Today, I've resolved not to get married - it is a bore! Yay! Ö So perceptive at age 15??

29 Dec 1997. (JC1)
I hate school especially Maths. It's not like I hate studying or the teachers or the like, but I dun like my school environment - friends, schoolmates, teachers, the ambience generally. Makes me hate studying even more. (So contradictory!) It's bad enough as it is! Anyway I don't care about tomorrow's test. I'm gonna proudly get 0/100. Fuck care! (wah, so cool arh lol)

Ahhh... youth... the one thing you can't get back. =D

In contrast my entry today was so calm, so mature and so measured. No more teenybopper tone. It was all "Look, we have a situation here. The way to solve it is A or B or C." and not "Oh my god!!! Oh my god!!! Help!!!".

It can only mean one thing!

我老了。

2005-12-29T15:25:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you are on leave and all your friends are working? Why, you ebay of course!

I would so die (or pay US$9.99, exc. shipping) for this right now. (Just ignore the old auntie) Unfortunately it is too big for me. Am gonna ask mom if it is alterable to my size. And this and this and this.

An aside: I wonder if girls know who this "It Girl" is when they wear the Mango tees.

I supremely heart retro!!!

2005-12-27T22:18:00.000+08:00

After today, I realise everyone has their own plus and minus points. I guess
today all the more showed I am a good listener? I mean, he didn't have to
tell me all that he did! (Even though what he told me wasn't going to change
the world or anything.) =)

Somehow I realise that people just like to spill onto me. (No, not the
silicon on yesterday's train!! - *laughs*) I'm not someone people would look
for for having fun (Everyone knows I need at least 24 hours notice or it's
NO GO! haha) but I think I'm valued for my listening and non-judgemental
"skills". So they like to talk a lot to me... which is good. I'm glad to be
able to share the emotional burden of my friends. When they talk it through,
they feel better and they can think more clearly. Which is my way of
helping. :)

Feel oddly self-actualized today. muahahaha... For the first time ever, I
did not sleep on the bus (bus windows spared a good thwarting today). I
enjoyed every single song on my MP3. I smiled. 'Twas a good day! =)

(Must be the long hols...) hurhur

2005-12-19T02:05:00.000+08:00

3 things today.

1. Bliss! See me smirk:

2. I shall never have plants again. I buy them and forget I ever did. So they die. Like so: Of course, that's the only bunch I've ever had, so I could prove myself I'm wrong, but I won't.

3. Purple POWER! The colour therapists say so.

Sad

2005-12-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

I told my colleagues my sister is in the US shopping away. On her first day
there she SMS's me "I'm at Target!!! The stuff are dirt cheap! Isaac Mizrahi
going cheap!!! What kinda bag you want??? I got 3 in my basket already!"
Later on, she SMS's me "It's my first day here and I've already bought 3
bags, 3 shirts and 1 shoe" (1 *pair*, you understand?) My colleagues ask me
how I feel. I say "Sad." She asks "Why??? You should be happy for your
sister!" I say "Yah, but I'm sad for myself!"

Photos!!!

2005-12-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

I don't know why the order of photos got mixed up, but anyhow. This was her hand bouquet.

That's me after I posed smilingly for a few photos and decided I was sick of smiling.

Sleeping bride... Shawn the make-up guy declares,"You're the most tired bride I've ever seen!"

My hand bouquet... not much use though. But very nice.

Not too many pics cos not sure if victims mind their photos being posted on the Internet. Official photos not received yet.

Photos!! (1 exclamation mark for every part)

2005-12-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

Charissa (my cousin) and me impromptu-ly making faces at the cam - and ending up with the same face.

This is what happens when you don't have Panasonic's Mega OIS (Optical Image Stabilizer) in your Canon digicam. Argh! The only pic of me in the white dress!

At the dinner on the 11th at Fullerton. Me again tryin' to be funny with the same face. (Must look for new faces.)

New layout part 56,133

2005-12-12T14:14:00.000+08:00

New layout! Making my words and paragraphing all wonky as usual. But never mind lah. Lazy to re-format it.

1st slice of Photos...

2005-12-12T01:16:00.000+08:00

Just a coupla pics... Sample sample. Noo nee noo.

Here they are...

2005-12-08T12:45:00.000+08:00

To match my pale green outfit

For everyday wear. Cheapo me asked the salesgirl, how come this is more expensive($35.90) than the others on display up front ($25.90?)? "The material is better, even though you can't see it." Well, any reason is a good enough reason.

Woohoo. My fave of the lot. I actually walked out of the shop cos they didn't have my size, but I was so lovelorn I walked back in and said it's ok, I'll just put insoles. And ended up buying the other 2 pairs too.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have a bad memory. I recharged my camera battery one day, took it out of the charger, put away the charger, and lost the freaking damned battery. Couldn't find it ANYWHERE!!! And that damned thing cost me $60. Without it, I am seriously handicapped. I bought THREE batteries just so I could use my camera for a decent amount of time (the FX7 is known for its shitty battery lifespan) and now!!! Urgh. I still don't see it lying around anywhere. Must've been thrown away in the ~~spring~~ winter cleaning. I need to strike 4D so I can buy the FX9.

Certified True Shopaholic

2005-12-07T23:39:00.000+08:00

I heard/read somewhere that the mark of a true shopaholic is when one buys tons of shoes. If you buy tons of clothes, you don't qualify. Tons of make up? You don't qualify. Bought a lot of jewellery lately? Sorry, no entry to the club.

And so. I am an official Becky Bloomwood. (read: Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic book series) I bought 3 - not one, not two, but three - pairs of shoes today from my fave shoe shop, 八品(Japan - mind you). Although if they put "Japan" at the end of the shop name it should be called バピン or ばぴん instead. *shrugs*

I have never been able to be so generous shoe-buying. I always think too long and finally decide not to. I ponder cautiously even over $20 shoes because a pair of shoes is a commitment to me. As a commitment phobe, I cannot take that first step. However seeing that the shoe rack space is gonna increase doubly very soon, I threw all cares to the wind. If I abandon my shoes one day, I won't feel guilty. Because that's what people can do. (Self-consolation)

I am too tired to photograph them. Feel like puking. Bleurgh. All the late nights.

Happy Birthday Debs!!!

2005-11-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

This was supposed to be on her Friendster's testimonial on 29 Nov but I have given up trying to deal with the never-loading Friendster. So here it is.

*********************************************************************

Happy birthday to my chum Debs.
:)

Have known her for more than half my lifetime (since 1989). I never ever imagined we would last so long cos I was a vindictive little bitch who loathed the fact that her English was always better than mine! (Being good in English was my pride and joy.) She beat me at the story telling competition I worked so hard for, the woman!!! Her parents were cool (they smuggled us into this "Club" thingy years ago, her mom wore leopard prints, etc.), she had a dog, she was my secret idol. She bought Smash Hits, so I did too. But she was cool way before I was.

Always went to her house after school - just a 5 minute walk away - and revelled in her sheep fur-like carpetting in the room. Disliked the mirrored wall in the hall but liked the house in general. Loved her parent's spacious room. Chuckled at her "I love Joey (McIntyre)!" "I love Jordan!" scribbles on her swivel chair. Puked at her NKOTB posters on the walls. Spoke to her sisters. Tried to stay away from the scary, barky dog. We were friends from Pri 3. We split in Pri 4 and 5 - she went to the elite class and I went to the dumpster class (which I totally loved.)
We reunited in Pri 6, and sat in close proximity. Were in the same group. Hung out together with 3 other chicks.

Then we went to Secondary School. Having sisters both from Crescent, we went there as well. Her PSLE score was higher than mine, but I managed to scrape through and enter the last class (same as her, haha) in Crescent. Seating arrangements were made according to height. Because I was short, I was put with the short "undesirables". Because she was tall, she sat with the tall desirables. And because I knew her, I got into the gang of tall desirables. She was my lucky charm.

We hung out during lower Sec, but not very much cos she was so guai but I was so not guai. We also had our squabbles about friendships and loyalty but hey, had we known what we'd be now, there wouldn't have been the need to eh! I guess I enjoyed new attention then. But I still held true to our long friendship in the end.

In Upper Sec we split again. I went to Science stream cos I was (relatively) good in Maths but oh gosh. If anyone's Maths sucks, it's hers. So she was in the Arts doing Art. I was in Science doing, (sub) Science. (Which I din like anyway. But hey! I got A1 in my A Maths ok. Ahem.) (Having said that, she was doind sub Science too. The only diff was I was doing A Maths.) I was absolutely crazy and hung out with anyone and everyone, fluttering between so many classes and the 2 buildings... So much so the people in their [Debs/Jan/Jo/Whales] class knew me. It was fun, being a bad Science student. We also din hang out much - I preferring to go Orchard with... erm... I can't remember now.

But after we graduated, we kept in contact. It has been 9 years since then.

So much has happened in between... JC, University, and all the jobs... She has been there for me, to listen to my neverending complaints, to advise me about work, people, relationships, life in general. Most importantly she gave me a lot of support. I always knew that she would be there for me no matter what. Although I never used to open myself up to her, I gradually did. (Yeah, it took me more than 10 years.) Nowadays I am so open with her I don't stop to think what she would think of me anymore, because I know she wouldn't mind, whatever I am. And that feeling is just great. Not having to keep things from someone. Not having to act like I am someone else I am not. She knows I am lazy. She knows I love spending money. She knows about my antisocial behaviour. She knows I can be very evil and petty. But then! She is still there.

She has taught me to be more patient (yeah, I can be more patient to my family than she is with hers, but then, still.), to love animals more than I do, to be friendly with people, to forgive and forget, to love people even though they're evil (winkwink), and to laugh a lot! She has also never forced me to become a Christian, because she knows I would never. She is very open-minded in that sense. Even though she is very strong in her beliefs, she doesn't force them on me. I still remember that intense discussion we had outside Macdonald's! She is tolerant. And I'm very grateful.

And through her, I have got to know her family. I have become friends with them too, and stayovers are never awkward. They are always fun times to catch up with Auntie Shirley, Uncle Raymond and Sabrina (Carolyn never being there when I am, for convenience's sake). And fun times to see that I am the only non-family that Tiger allows to carry her! It's all fun, fun, fun. How much we have grown together. She is no longer that bespectacled girl with uber curly hair. I am no longer... erm... obese. Haha.

Debs is someone everyone likes. I find that unbelievable. Well, believable, but incredible. She has that energy about her. The never say die attitude. Which explains why her job.... [not to be expounded on] The eternal optimist never gives up. The always shining sunshine. How the hell does she do it?!?!?! Which was why it was especially hard when she was crying over the phone about Snowy...

David is one lucky guy.

Thanks Debs. =*

Your presents will come very soon, I PROMISE!!!!!!

Royalty's 1st Wedding Dinner

2005-11-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

I fuckin love my dress. HAHA! (C'mon, it's *my* blog, I can say anything I want, right?)
Godma is cool. She agrees with me that children are a nuisance and that getting married at 28-29 is just nice.

Stuff!!!

2005-11-20T01:39:00.000+08:00

Modo-kun wannabes

四大美女 (that includes the one behind, harhar)（四缺一！）

Double celebrations today. First, Jo's wedding. :)

Then, Paul's at night. :) V tired!!!

Next week, the Royalty's First Dinner. 2 weeks after that, the Royalty's Wedding and then the Third Dinner. Bushed!!!

Emotional Sentiments (or "Frustrations")

2005-11-18T00:07:00.000+08:00

You can imagine what it feels like, but it can never be the same.

Music: Pearl Jam - Daughter (how apt)

Spewings of a Sometimes Logical Mind (or, "Nuggets of Wisdom")

2005-10-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

Isn't it strange how this is called "The Real World", but how everybody is Fake?

Marriage

2005-10-16T00:46:00.000+08:00

The way things are going, there is a higher possibility of me not getting married. (If I'm ever faced with that choice, of course.)

So many commitments, so many responsibilities. I have hardly lived, and yet it feels as if I have lived too much. I have seen so many things, yet seen nothing. In my little well, I feel stifled. I feel far too many people relying on me. And yet, I rely on them. I am free, but I have no freedom. It's only going to get worse. Though guilt governs my life, I don't want it to. I don't want that extra guilt weighing on my shoulders. I want to be free from responsibility. I want to live my own life. I want to go away. Yet, I can't.

It's happening. It's definitely happening. I can rue my fate till my life ends, but the more practical approach would be to try and break free from it all. Short of killing myself, I will do the next best thing - regain my freedom. I don't know how. I don't know when. I don't know if it will ever happen, but I can only hope.

At the same time, I feel for it. I will accept it. I will be pleased about it come one day. But more than that, I feel trapped. Will I ever get my way? And if I do, would I like it?

Too many consequences. Too few options. I imagine things going my way, but my head kicks in. It's not easy. But try I must.

Now, I must maintain the resolve. I must.

終わりませんでした。

2005-10-16T00:37:00.000+08:00

フフフ

Artwork

2005-10-15T15:18:00.000+08:00

Or rather, "So-called Artwork".
Got bored and created my own desktop wallpaper. Though am talentless, have always liked doing such stuff.

Spicing up my boring blog

2005-10-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

Me photo being secretly taken.. was in the photog's car on the way for sis's wedding photo shoot... holding her bunch of flowers very unnecessarily cos she did not use them 99% of the time and I was like lugging them all the way. Very leychey. Ended up depositing them in my backpack's mobile phone compartment, then Ben's (Must stop calling him Ted. Most unbecoming.) jacket pocket, then the car. hahaha.

(Pic removed. Figured I want whatever privacy I have left, back.)

Me foolin around with her cam. My picture as I am now, in front of the PC. I love my headband. (Ohmigosh, just realised colour is same as blog's. ha. That's how much I like this greenish colour.)

And... since when was I a magazine junkie??? 5 mags in 4 days. Goodness. Remind me never to buy Milk magazine again.

I hate...

2005-10-12T12:28:00.000+08:00

... A lot of things. At the top of my list for today, and at the top 10 throughout my entire lifetime, is PEOPLE.

There is no clear-cut way to deal with PEOPLE. Either way you do it, you're gonna do something wrong. If you do it one way, you offend them. If you do it the other, you lose out. Whenever you say something, there is "meaning" and "perceived meaning". Hopefully, "perceived meaning" equates to "meaning", but this is not 100% of the times. Especially when that person perceives the meaning to his/her advantage (and thus your disadvantage). And you think that person gets your "meaning", but then that's not the case.

I absolutely hate dealing with people, especially for the long term. If it's just one day's patronising, I can do it. But if that person and I just can't get along, or are on different wavelengths, I cannot tolerate having to deal with him/her for the long term. Worse still if there's no common topic. There's nothing to talk about. There's nothing to share. And the worst thing is there's no way out of it.

Which is why I infinitely prefer animals. Granted, humans are animals too, but they are too developed for my liking. They're so complex, SO difficult.

New Layout!!!

2005-10-08T03:51:00.000+08:00

*start soliloquy*
Spent more than 3 hours doing this.
Oh my god...
But I love doing new layouts.
Anyway I really love this colour. I have a bag and a skirt in it.
And I love retro.
I have learnt finally how to do Fill Pattern in Photoshop!
One good thing as a result of this.
I am such a computer "genius" at times, so determined to be perfect about such rubbish stuff but when it comes to important stuff I give up easily.
Ah. Well.
Time to rest my beautiful eyes.

(L'oreal mascara, but not extremely obvious)
じゃあ、またね！
*end soliloquy*

Grumblings

2005-10-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

Mobile phone accessories: What is it with some girls and their gigantenormous mobile phone accessories? Isn't the mobile phone supposed to be... MOBILE? How are you gonna stuff the thing in your pocket with all those jingly jangly stuff hanging from every available orifice of the phone?
The most I have had was 4 small silver thingies - my initial G, a Playboy bunny head, an Anna Sui lookylikey bear tag and an Emily the Strange - I got annoyed with them after a day and took them off. Today, my mobile phone sports nothing more than a ladybug sticker. Très mobile.
Having said that, the trend probably originated from Japan (where else?). If I might venture a guess as to its origins. From what I saw there, the schoolkids there all carry the same school bag. Hence, to differentiate themselves and to stand out amongst the crowd, they hang all sorts of paraphernalia on their bags as a form of self-identity. (Of course, that invariably means everyone now looks the same again with the Mickey Mouse, Hello Kitty, Relax Kuma, rabbit fur, etc etc accessories on their bags, but never mind that.) That then extended to their mobile phones and so, senseless Singaporean girls blindly follow suit. Wake up already!

My MP3s: Finally can listen to something more than 童话，好心分手, 我们的爱&千年之恋. Have finally gotten round to installing my Zen Micro software. Now can listen to the MP3s in there. (Which I listen to everyday anyway, so that's small relief.) On another note, I cannot believe I contemplated buying 林俊杰's CD. (Still contemplating.) His song lyrics are dumb-ish, but the tunes are quite nice. Never thought I'd like R&B. I'm so darned Cheena. *shudders*

A certain website: Argh.

hehe

2005-09-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

Just suddenly remembered.
At the lectures yesterday both speakers brought their laptops.
They both had XP systems.
They both had doggie wallpapers.
And they both used the same doggie icon for their Start menu.
hehe.
Guess I'm fond of them both in a way. =)

*end mindless ramble*

What's your blogging personality?

2005-09-25T02:37:00.000+08:00

Your Blogging Type Is the Private Performer

Your blog is your stage - with your visitors your adoring fans.
At least, that's how you write with your witty one liners.
And while you like attention, you value your privacy.
You're likely to have an anonymous blog - or turn off comments.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

? Hmmm. But yeah. Pretty much anonymous. OK. Time to sleep!

How do people see you?

2005-09-25T02:36:00.000+08:00

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.

They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.

It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.

They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

What does your sleeping position say about you?

2005-09-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are calm and rational.

You are also giving and kind - a great friend.

You are easy going and trusting.

However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

What's your religious philosophy?

2005-09-25T02:33:00.000+08:00

You are a Self-Discoverer

You're not religious, but you've created your own kind of spirituality.
Introspective and thoughtful, you tend to look inward for the divine.
You are distrusting of all forms of organized religion.
You especially dislike religious gurus and leaders, who you feel are charlatans.

What's Your Religious Philosophy?

What colour should your blog be?

2005-09-25T02:28:00.000+08:00

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.
You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.
You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Haha. Yep. "A bit distant" as expounded on previously.

How weird are you?

2005-09-25T02:27:00.000+08:00

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...
But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

What language should you learn?

2005-09-25T02:23:00.000+08:00

You Should Learn Japanese

You're cutting edge, and you are ready to delve into wacky Japanese culture.
From Engrish to eating contests, you're born to be a crazy gaijin. Saiko!

What Language Should You Learn?

だから日本語の勉強をしていますよ！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！日本語最高！！！LOL

What age do you act?

2005-09-25T02:20:00.000+08:00

You Are 17 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Which is why I get along well with teenagers best. =D (Quote unquote: "Wah, you very cool leh!")

How do you live your life?

2005-09-25T02:18:00.000+08:00

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

:O True, true, true, except I don't like a variety of friends (most of the time). The rest of it is all true. :O

What's your ideal career?

2005-09-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

Your Career Type: Realistic

You are practical and mechanical.
Your talents lie in working with tools, mechanical or electrical drawings, machines, or animals.

You would make an excellent:

Carpenter - Diesel Mechanic - Electrician
Farmer - Fire Fighter - Flight Engineer
Forester - Locksmith - Locomotive Engineer
Pilot - Police Officer - Truck Driver

The worst career options for your are social careers, like social worker or teacher.

What's Your Ideal Career?

V true. V true. I know I always should've studied to be a mechanic. I like to fix things. =) And this is why I will never (ahem) become a teacher, so stop asking me already, people!!

What's your Japanese sub culture?

2005-09-25T02:12:00.000+08:00

You Are a Kogyaru!

If it's cute, you'll wear it. Fake and bake, hair bleach, and bright makeup line your bathroom cabinet.
As for clothes - anything that's short and cute ("kawaii!").
You are the prize object of all sorts of men - but you are really looking for a rich foreign guy.
He'll find you out hanging out in Shibuya shopping at the 109, text messaging and sending photos over your cellphone.

What's Your Japanese Subculture?

EEESSSHHHH!!!! I think they're freaky. But I do like hanging out at Shibuya's 109 ;D And yes, I don't mind a rich foreign guy - I'd have beautiful babies at the very least!

How boyish or girlish are you?

2005-09-25T02:09:00.000+08:00

You Are 20% Boyish and 80% Girlish

Even if you're not a girl, you're very feminine.
You're in touch with your feelings, and your heart rules you.
A bit of a emotional roller coaster, one moment you're up and the next you're down.
But no matter what, you try to be as cute and perky as possible.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Eh heh heh... true. I like being a girl, except for the menstruation, birth, emotional, dependence on men, low self-esteem, (I could go on!) parts.

What's your ideal relationship?

2005-09-25T02:06:00.000+08:00

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle.But you may be ready in a couple of years.You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment.And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

Hmmm quite true... ha ha

New layout

2005-09-22T18:47:00.000+08:00

New tentative layout. No Photshop therefore have to make do. Will revamp again! I know. The horizontal scrollbar is irritating. I don't know how to fix it. Tried so many things. You can't see the full extent of the background too - Press F11! Press F11! But eyes gotta rest. So ciao!

神奇

2005-09-22T16:03:00.000+08:00

For some inexplicable reason, Stefanie Sun's 神奇 is ringing constantly in my head. Something to do with the karaoke sessions? Something to do with the surgery?

One thing's for sure, the surgery is really 神奇,啰! Let me try and describe the whirlwind scene...

I reached the Clinic at 2.35pm (was due there at 3pm). I registered my name at the counter and paid up. Nurse told me to wait outside that room (*points*). It said "Laser Suite" - wah, maciam hotel room Suite. But no. I had no idea what "Laser Suite" meant - I thought I was just supposed to wait there for them to call me for for further eye check ups. Apparently not! It was where the op took place in.

I sat there waiting, watching the other males around (strangely, the patients that day were all male. Besides me of course!) A few were called in and out. About 5 minutes after waiting, my name was called. I went in. They had to re-confirm my IC number and address and "Any allergies?" (No). The nurses were nice though. I thought I was quite annoying. Because I hadn't done my homework (reading the literature) beforehand, I asked her "Do I have astig in any of my eyes?" She pointed to my newly embossed "Refractive Eye Surgery Card" which I was supposed to carry with me to wherever in future. (It states my date of surgery and vision before correction) She said "Yes, 50deg in the left eye." As I was only operating on my left eye (Right eye has vision of 25deg), I asked,"Will this correct my astig?" She smiled and said "Yes." I was relieved.

So after putting some eye drops for me, and taping a small blue dot sticker above my left eye, she told me to wait outside. "A few more people and it'll be your turn." I was thinking, Huh?! So fast?! But like the obedient sheep that I am, I waited outside.

I sat there for a couple of minutes staring into space, then started to take out my book to read. Just as I was about to open the book, my name was called again. Already?!

Yep, I was ushered into the room again, and told to put my bag in a little cubby hole marked P1. I stupidly still wore my glasses which I then removed. (Nice Nurse comfortingly said,"You won't need them anymore." My heart filled with hope and scepticism.) I was given a shower cap to cover my head with - so that the laser beams won't cut through my already thin hair, I guess. Then two smaller plastic "wraps" to wrap my feet and shoes in. Following that she dressed me in a yellow plastic gown. My heart started pumping faster. Eeesh!!! Although I had been told the op was painless, I couldn't help the apprehension! A loud whirring noise could be heard from inside the operating theatre, separated from this room by an operating theatre door. Nice Nurse said,"That's the sound of the laser. (!!!) It sounds loud but don't worry, it's not painful at all."

So then a guy walks out. He is half closing his eyes and sits on a chair nearby. The nurses talk to him and he says "Can I blink?" and they say yes. He doesn't look like he's very comfortable, but at least he can open his eyes! That must be a good sign. So it was my turn.

I was brought into the operating theatre whereupon Dr said Hi! and I said Hi! back. I laid down on the revolvable bed and they swiveled me to under the laser machine thingy. Very reminiscent of tv dramas!!! I have never had an operation before, or even been in hospital before (excluding when I had complications as a baby), so this was new to me.

Dr says, Don't worry. Look at the red light. So I do. I can't help but clutch my gown for support. (Moral support from a gown?!) It was so I could squeeze it if it became too painful. Dr then tells me to open my eyes as big as possible. Which for me isn't very big. He tapes the top of my eyelid down, then the bottom of my eyelid. It wasn't a very sticky sticker, so my eyelashes and eyebrows are still intact. haha. Then he takes this metal clamp and puts it along the circumference of my eyes. The 3rd equipment was - I frankly don't know what it was - something he put to presumably stabilise everything. Everytime his fingers shot past my eye I got a nervous breakdown, thinking he was gonna dig or poke my eye out!!!

So anyway I just keep staring at the red light until it becomes invisible (Dunno what he was doing - presumably digging some stuff out) then until it becomes a splash of red and orange dots. Over my head, Dr and the nurses go: Dr,"On." Nurse,"On." Dr,"Off." Nurse,"Off." I kept thinking about ER. haha. (My memories of life are defined by the tv.) The tone in which they communicated scared me, but Dr kept telling me to relax to which I tried.

After a while, Dr takes off the metal thingies and proclaims that it's done. What?! That took like, 5 minutes?! Are you sure my eyesight is ok now?!

I walk out of the theatre and am attended to by another Nice Nurse. I take off my gown and plastics and she instructs me on what to do post-op: What eyedrops when, etc. She's also nice, but the speed with which she was dishing out the info was so fast! I just went,"Mm. OK." even though it couldn't really register. So I take the pouch of eyedrops, and my bag, and make my way home. The whole thing took only 45 mins! Plus, it was painless.

I walk out of the Laser Suite, put on my sunglasses though I didn't need them, and faced the new world. Nothing went through my mind, except "That was fast!"

Back home, I started on my eyedrops regime and left the protective goggles on 24/7, to everyone's delight. (I looked like a wasp.) The correction does not dawn on me at all, cos I feel as if I am wearing contact lenses. I feel eye irritation, like a permanent speck of dirt in my eye. I try to flush it out with eyedrops but it doesn't help. Well at least I don't hurt till I have to take Panadol! (As mentioned by Nice Nurse, which some people do.)

To show myself that my eyesight has indeed changed for the better, I wear my glasses. Oh boy. It's blurry!!! It really hit me then that the op worked. And no, I wasn't wearing lenses - I'd thrown them out a week ago! What joy! What glee!

Today, I wanted to reach out for my spects. But there was no need to. =)

***
PS. My mom would throttle me to death if she knew I was using the PC. :D I can't read, I can't use the PC, I can't watch tv. What can I do?!

Hallelujah!

2005-09-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

After arriving for the past 2 days, I can finally get connected to the Net on my sur-pankin' nu PC! (19" LCD!!! WOO!!!) We must have tried installing/uninstalling the 2 modems about 30 times!!! And called Singnet at least 5 times!!! Finally, after doing the same thing again, the connection works. Contemplating keeping the PC on 24/7 so it doesn't lose the connection!!! Ha.
------------------
On the work front, I wanna swear a lot, but I won't. Some people (person in this instance, but people in the general context) just must rot and die. "Ask them go and eat shit and die" just doesn't cut it.
-----------------
I'm going for my Lasik surgery on Wed. I'm not gonna watch the VCD that shows the procedure cos ignorance is bliss. Sure, I know they're gonna slice my eye (Eeee!!!!!!) but I don't wanna see the actual thing. Like Joan says, it's gonna put people off, and I'm better off not knowing!!!! So there. Sometimes it's good to be stupid.
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I kinda like Blogging, cos I can jot down my insane and totally inconsequential thoughts and look back on them. My blog mainly serves as an avenue for me to let go, cos I don't let go a lot. And it serves as a novel of sorts for myself. Unfortunately I cannot write too many things down, as the Net is, always, the Net. Things get found out, people somehow manage to come across your blog, and if you're writing anything negative, well, then you have a lot to answer for. Which explains why my entries are more often than not, frivolous and irreverent. And also why they're always about me! ME! ME!!! (Without much details - like, I can't complain about people here.) Cos I can't write about anyone or anything else. ("Anything" - that depends; I can in a general, non specific way.) But I can laugh at myself, I can insult myself and I can boast about myself, blah blah blah. So, welcome to my world.
Want to do a new layout, but ain't got Photoshop 7.0 yet. (New layout for 1024x768 resolution! No more dinosaur 800x600! ha!)
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Jealous that Wills is going Kyoto. :(
Must save money to go again next year.
絶対!!!日本も一度行った方がいいですよ!!!!!!!!!!
-----------------
Till then!!

My cup runneth over

2005-09-16T16:43:00.000+08:00

I have a great propensity to feel sad for other beings.

What I did yesterday

2005-09-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

Was on leave for the first "real" time yesterday. Previously, took a day's leave for Odd and Ted's photo-taking session which turned out pretty well - the photos I mean. The photos were nice and not tacky. (Of course - they'd never allow their photos to be tacky!!) Then wondered if I got married, what kinda photos I would take. Something along the same lines, but not an exact duplicate cos that'd be boring. Something a bit more funky and not so glam I guess. Cos she's glam and I'm funky! haha (Self-proclaimed) But then I went home with about 7 new mosquito bites. And then the mosquito/dengue fever scare came on. But I still am at room-temperature and am not spotty so I'm safe.

Mmm... suddenly lazy to type. :þ

Different Stages of Life

2005-09-09T13:39:00.000+08:00

It's amazing how we are all living in more or less the same conditions, but how different our lives at this present point in time are.

Someone's getting married, someone's going to break up, someone's never been in a relationship, someone's sought after but not interested and then someone's found Possibly The One. Because of the different stages we are in our relationships, we live our lives differently - we're happy, sad, content, confused, etc, spurred on by our different emotions to do different things.

In the same way I feel an ache for Snowy, I feel an ache for She who's breaking up. She's a very nice girl, but I don't know why life can't just give her a straightforward, happy relationship. Instead she has to grapple with this long relationship and end it on terms that are less than cordial. It's the same kind of feeling as when I see a disabled or old person on the streets - you feel sad for them, but there's nothing you can do. You then wonder why they have to be dealt with such sad fates, and admire them for their courage to face the shit life has given them. (Not to say that relationship shit is on par with life shit.)

We are all the same age. Yet we've gone through so many different things. Hence, our mentality and behaviour are all different. Isn't it weird, yet fascinating? It's the same feeling I get when I go to a foreign country - we are all human, yet different settings create different types of humans. I'm human, they're human, but I speak English. They speak Japanese. I eat rice & vege. They eat rice & vege - Japanese-style. I go the toilet. They go on the grass field (China). I think it weird to take photos of intimate poses but they don't (Hungary). They hug strangers(Wales), I don't. I guess that's what gives rise to the diversity of our world. And what gives rise to all the misunderstandings too.

Which is preferable? Sameness or not?

Bad day

2005-09-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

What do you do when your comp's down and you have nothing to do? You blog from your mobile phone. Sure, it's gonna cost a lot,but there really isn't anything else to do. It's been a bad day. It just went downhill all the way. Life really sucks sometimes.

Cheng E-Kin

2005-09-03T00:53:00.000+08:00

I promised to blog about this so here I am.

I am listening to some orbit Cheng E-Kin singing about being in Hung Hing (his bang1 pai4). I have no idea what he's saying in that soft and very unclear voice.

The video features him in his Young & Dangerous (Part 1 I think, no less.) gungho, "pair-k yao" days armed with all his "heng dai" and parang knives.

Oh no, more Young & Dangerous Cheng E-Kin. This one's called "Sure Win". With Hung Hing, SURE WIN ah!!!

*vomits*

Oh ok, now it's Mr Dao Lang (Knife Wolf?) singing some hilltop hillbilly song very much like the songs we heard in Qinghai. Very orbit stuff only women in their 50's (Hint: My mom) like listening to. To glossify/glorify the song, Dao Lang is sometimes known as Yamada-san.

*vomits*

I feel an excruciating pain whenever he sings "Lai lai lai lai lai!!!"

Wahlau ay.

My spending habits for the month of August

2005-09-02T17:38:00.000+08:00

I have religiously (well, more religiously than my religion religiously) been keeping tabs everyday of my spending from 1 August 2005 onwards as I really need to get a grip! (Ho, ho, ho, skanky ho - that's just saying it of course.) (I have no idea what "skanky ho" means; am too 56k-dialup -challenged to check.)

Today I took the brave step of totalling my August expenditure and oh my my my - I actually had negative income after deducting the loan shark (aka Mother)'s allowance. Suffice to say expenditure was 4-figures. (Cue eyes popping out of sockets, mouth larger than the area of the globe)

I didn't actually buy many Things. When I say Things I mean nouns. Tables, chairs, shirts, shoes, that kinda thing. Food is not a thing. Nuh-uh. Cab is not a thing. Nuh-uh. Snacks are not things. Nuh-uh. EZ-Link top-up is not a thing. Nuh-uh.

Things:
$160 - eye checkup (OK, not a thing, but accounts a lot!)
$68 - 2 bags and 2 necklaces (1 each originally for mom but she only took 1 necklace - she has no taste.)
$19.80 - Berms (at 40% off!)
$2 - Ant bait (aka Bad Karma - for killing colonies upon colonies of huge black ants in my house, thus possibly sowing the seed of me becoming one in my next life. Must pray more often. Or rather, must start praying.)
$11 - shower hose (Must be depreciated over 1 more year left in Nee Soon house)
$6 - lip balm
$1.60 - Vaseline (Good & cheap investment - hardly a dent still.)
$23 - hairdryer (Did not claim from dad; slightly monopolising.)
$89 - mysterious buy which I am very happy to have parted $89 for. (Hint: Silver and Corky)
$22 - necklace (20% off! - Justified.)
$13.50 - idN mag (After buying it, I can't sleep everyday without flipping through it and touching it. I am gonna buy all future issues too, and possibly back issues. Justified. Oh, and at 10% discount cos of Kino privilege card. Double justified.)
$1.15 - stamps - for sending my darlings rubbish.
$20 - gifts for people, including self. lol
$10.50 - Knowledge (renting of 3 books from that darned rental bookshop here - grrr)

So you see, it's not a lot of Things.
=)

A Tribute

2005-08-30T11:30:00.000+08:00

The past week - too many deaths.

First, Chips' grandpa. The next morning, Snowy.

My heart aches whenever I think about Snowy. I have known her for the past 16 years, since she was a year old. In primary school, I'd always go to Debs' house after school, and be intimidated by her, cos whenever you ring the doorbell, she'd bark crazily at the door. Even when it was just someone walking past the corridor! I knew she wouldn't bite, but her barking scared me and I'd try and steer clear of her way when I entered the house. I'd touch her a bit, but she'd get so picky about you touching her ears/snout that she'd mock bite and that'd scare me too.

Then in secondary school there was once when Jan and I went over. We mock fighted and she started barking at us!! She wanted us to stop fighting!! We were frightened by her fierce barkings and stopped immediately, afraid that she was gonna lunge at us and bite off our arm or something.

Later on, Debs moved into the condo opposite my house. We decided to get the dogs together for a gathering. Sadly though, Snowy and Shelley were not interested in each other. That was to be the one and only dog gathering.

After I moved to Yishun, I went to her house less often. It was only much later on that I started going over for sleepovers and whenever I went to my grandma's house I'd try to pop by to visit her pet(s). These past few years Snowy became very old and weak. She stopped barking altogether, and following a heart attack/stroke started to walk with her head permanently cocked to one side. It was heart-wrenching to see a once strong and fierce dog become the fragile little lamb she was then. Her legs were bent, but she pulled herself up, walked whenever she could, never giving up, carried on strong, fighting the cruelties that life was dealing her with. She did not want them to worry for her, for she would take care of herself.

Though Debs' mom had brought a cat to the house by then, Snowy was not to be intimidated by the younger, more agile and novel cat. She carried on in her quiet ways, supporting the family, being there for them, and giving Debs strength and quiet support. She never gave up. She could not walk properly, and would sometimes sprawl onto the ground halfway, but she had the resolve to live as well as she could.

Snowy also was very old by now, and the warts on her skin were but a part of her old age. Whenever a wart grew too big or in a dangerous place, Debs would immediately send her for wart removal operations. For a family that wasn't rich, the dedication was phenomenal.

Every night, Debs would also clean her crusty eyes for her without fail. Unfortunately, with the exception of Sab, the rest of the family wasn't helping out as much. So Debs was burdened with the taking care of the dog. Which she did without grudges - only feeling sad that the rest didn't help as much. She had so much to juggle in her life - her job, her church commitments, her boyfriend, her friends, her dog... But somehow she has the energy to do it all.

Every time I went to their house I would stroke and smell Snowy. I love her smell! Her mom might say it's "smelly" but I love it - I think it's very her. I'd pray silently for her and wish that she has a good life, and a good life after this, and that she has no suffering. And wish her well in general. I hope the few chants I did for her helped.

Nobody, frankly, would've been a better master to have. The love and dedication showed to Snowy was more than touching. It was a show of true love and grit - the determination with which Debs looked after her, amidst rather unfeeling comments. I did not take that good care of my own dog - I only did what was necessary. Snowy was 17. I think we should rejoice in the fact that it was a good age.

No amount of regret now will bring anyone back. When my dog died, I regretted not visiting her at the hospital the previous day. She would've thought I'd abandoned her, and maybe gave up on life. But nothing will bring her back. So we should learn to live with our decisions, and carry on in life.

I know that Snowy knows she is blessed. She has had a good, long life with a master that gave her her all. When our pets die, they are irreplaceable. But the memories of them will forever live with us, and that is what is needed to keep going on in life. We need to know that they are no longer suffering now. And that what has been done for them while they were alive was our all. In the Buddhist context, they have ceased suffering and are moving on to their next reincarnation. What we can do is pray for their souls and dedicate merit to them so they move on to a better life, hopefully not as an animal, because animals cannot take care of themselves - they depend on us to live. They suffer more in general. In the Christian context, I'm not sure where animals
go to. But I believe if they have been the faithful companion of someone, surely they deserve a spot in heaven.

And so, Snowy is in heaven. And we should have no worries.

Rainbow Bridge
(Author Unknown)

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

More!!!

2005-08-20T23:16:00.000+08:00

I can't stop!!!!
Going to work!
Going shopping!! haha My Dachy is unhappy I'm leaving the house! LOL
Going to meet the in-laws in a sensible suit lol
Going to work in winter!
Going to buy new shoes cos these don't really match! lol
And finally, me at my wedding LOLOL And no I'm not pregnant! It's just a princessy fairy-ie dress!

Doll Makers

2005-08-20T23:12:00.000+08:00

From Abigail Pixel Dolls
Having loads of fun! :P
Unfortunately there are only 2 standalone bags to choose from - Louis Vuitton or Burberry - HOW CAN?!!!!! What's a girl to do without her bag?!?!?! (My fave accessory btw) shoes quite limited also, but the clothes are gorgeous!!! XD

Grace in Spring!
Grace in Summer!
Grace in Autumn!
Grace in Winter! (Alamak, just realised forgot to change the background color! *#$%^)

Notice how the face and hairstyle changes in every season? :D

If I were a Street Busker...

2005-08-20T21:22:00.000+08:00

I would sing rock songs. haha.
Oh, at least alternative/rock songs, rather than Hokkien songs and whatnot.
However I'm not sure that would earn me a lot of income, given I can't possibly have my own 1-man band - I need the lead guitar, bass, drums, at least! Or else it doesn't sound very rock.
Which is sad. But I would rock the underground (literally) and I'm sure the mats and minas will donate as much as they can, and maybe some young rocker punks too.
I'm sure I'll enjoy myself a lot though! ^^

I was listening to November Rain on MP3 when walking past the Yishun busker, and thinking, if I was singing that in an Yishun underground, would people donate? Will people stare and think I'm blind AND crazy? (I wouldn't know if they were staring but hey they'd be staring!) It wouldn't sound very nice though - especially the 1 min+ guitar interval towards the end where it goes very high-pitched guitary. Cos I'd have to choose btwn playing the guitar and the drums cos they are such essential instruments to any alt/rock song (of course supposing I even knew how to play any of those 2!) and well, a rock song ain't exactly a rock song with just a guitar or just some aggravated battering of the drumset. So.

Then if I sing something boring (well, slow, really.) like "She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly..." that doesn't exactly bring cheer to people's hearts does it? xD I think I'd just be entertaining myself in the end. Hell, I'd have to find another vocation! Eebers jeebers.

..... My comp din crash btw. It crashes whenever it deems fit. Something like me. XD

..... Jap results out tomorrow. Kancheong! Essay will probably be returned too. Also kancheong! I snitched a lot of Jap words and phrases off the Internet dictionary, not really knowing if they were appropriate, but damnit! I din have enough vocab to complete the essay! Will find out tomorrow... graded too! X(

..... Diary of a Manhattan Call Girl isn't as good as it looks. It doesn't really deal with the good girl/bad girl dilemma, as much as I would've wanted it too. It goes on and on about some Whores' Union (so to speak) and this bimbotic call girl friend of the protagonist's which actually isn't that interesting. I wanted to read about how she would resolve the whole conflict between her call girl & copy editor personas, but it doesn't really go into that; instead, it spreads itself into so many topics. I've probably only 1 chapter left, but there seems to be so many unresolved things. It was bought by the creator of Sex in the City to become a movie, but -___- doesn't seem like a very interesting movie in the making. I sneaked a look at the last page (something I always forbid myself to do) and she was still a call girl. Let's see if there's any resolution.

Tragedy!

2005-08-19T17:01:00.000+08:00

O woe!

My PC has crashed again! This is the second time in too short a time!

O double woe!

I need a thousand buckeroos to get a new HD!

My slippers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care. I dunch care.

Emotions... and things.

2005-08-14T21:01:00.000+08:00

Isn't it strange how one person can bring out so many different emotions of yours?
That's so many other emotions for so many other people.
Life... How to live it?
That's a choice we all have to make.
Whatever you decide on, stick with it.
Don't blame anyone else who didn't force you.

On another note, I'm going for the op, I think.
*trembles!!!*
wahahaha

Sometimes life sucks but other times it's a bed of roses without you asking for it.
Be thankful for the good things, and try to forget the bad!!!
Tra la la la la!

I'm in a good mood today!

Vaseline is great for the lips btw. *smacks lips*